Robert James Adsit - 1943 - 1994 Clifton Park New York (Shenendehowa Central School, Elnora New York: Central College Pella Iowa: New York City: artist, writer, musician, actor, brother of mine) Terrell Adsit-Neuage May 2000

Dedicated to Leigh Neuage an uncle you never got to know  - front directory to Robert  James Adsit






at your last breath

to see if I could catch a glimpse

of where you were going

The air was still today

birds were quieter than usual

The neighbor's dog didn't even bark at me

but looked at me knowing my feelings

Me in Australia in Fall

You in New York City in Spring

but for an instant you were here too

yet still I couldn't catch a glimpse

of where you were going

my forever gone brother.

            4-08-94 Victor Harbor SA


I did away with time

so we would still be together

I did away with distance

so we would still be together

I did away with death

so we would still be together

3-27-94 Victor Harbor South Australia


My father rang from across the sea

another son today buried he

He said he had tears in his eyes

as he looked up to the stealing skies

Another hole in the ground

another life without sound

Wife and brothers buried before

gone off to a distant shore

My children and I all that's here

remembered today in my father's tears.

            4-16-94 Victor Harbor SA


I want to be with you one more time

but I don't know how to

step into death

and return to life

4-17-94 Victor Harbor SA


I have the house yet to clean

the children need to be collected from school

and the dog needs his flea bath

So for now take a neighbor or two

and just leave me be."


I was standing in the kitchen thinking about what to make for dessert tonight.

I set the table for you.

Poured the wine.

Hoping it's red that goes with tofu.

We will have such a long talk.

Brother to brother

You will tell me about life in the Big Apple.

Oh how I envy your life.

Fast paced.

All those people.

Everyday such an adventure.


Well what can one expect living in this small town in South Australia?

The driest state on the driest continent.


We live by the ocean.

We can surf at any time.

Have to watch for the sharks.

A different type of shark than you get up there in the Big Apple.

I wish I had some wine glasses.

Who in New York City would ever drink wine out of a mug?

But we are not fancy here.

I can't wait until my brother sees the boys.

They have grown so big since last we were in the Big Apple in 1992.

I was just telling the boys the other day

how surprised Uncle Robert will be to see them.

But it is almost time for the school bus.

I better put away the wine and the table settings

before the children see I was pretending again

that you were coming to visit us even though I know you died so far away and all alone up there

in the Big Apple five long months more than I can cope with.

8-14-94 Victor Harbor South Australia


Everyone was there

my mom who put me up for adoption

my mom who raised my then died

my brother who was my favourite human

my girl friend who killed herself

my girl friend who society killed

my friend killed in Nam

my master teacher who died of a brain tumor

my master teacher who killed herself

We shared a glass of liquid light

talked about the old days

and how strange it was

that I was still alive

when the plan had always been

that I would go first

and meet all them

after I had set the table

for this our final meal together.


            8-2-94 Victor Harbor South Australia

I began to speak with you to tell you

my wishes, hopes and what has happened

since last I saw you

Then I remembered you had died

But I could not believe it when you stood

before my mind saying that the love

you had give me was my sustenance until I became

one with you once again

in the one world you now know.


All my dead family and friends keep asking me

for favors

Last night one of my dead girl friends

asked me to feed her dead cat.

            8-25-94 Victor Harbor South Australia



Deep in my memory where we still play in childhood

We act out all that we will be when we grow up

Of course we will be famous:

You the artist, musician, actor


writer, lover.

We will have mansions and limousines, Lear jets.

We will be on the news, in magazines, and in the gossip columns.

We will visit one another on occasion to say how famous

we are and how far we have gone since childhood

when we were so poor and pretended we were rich and successful.

But then I emerge from deep in my mind

We are no longer children.

You are no longer alive.

And I am middle-aged living in a foreign land with not enough money

for my houseful of children that I am raising on my own.

Who right now are talking about how great life will be

when they grow up and are famous.

My 10 year old is pitching a no-hitter for the Yankees in the World Series

and is receiving millions of dollars a year.

My 13-year-old is a rap artist doing graffiti and playing basketball for some out-lawed team.

The 14-year-old who lives with us is rich and famous - it doesn't matter at what.

And on the cycle goes.

New memories of what it will be like being created deep inside of young minds all over again.

9-06-94 Victor Harbor South Australia


I was looking at what I wrote you

after you died

seven years ago.

i remember that day

I told my, then, ten-year-old

whilst shooting baskets in the backyard after drinking

a cast of wine

that brothers are forever

but that you have gone forever no loner seems so important.

Since that time so seemingly long ago and far away

I have watched my children grow to teenagers:

one heading off to New York in just another month to play baseball

the other living on the other side of Australia

doing graffiti and hip hop shows

What has changed?

in this world of the physical there are always changes

ask the folks of ancient Greece

the cave people

the first to speak

the first to crawl upon the land

we live to change

we change to live

it is so sad you could not change to live

and that the rest of us who are still here could

but what is life?

Do you have more life than I do now?

Every day I think of you and remember all the things I would have said if I had the chance to say them now then.

but basically as I am sure you are aware - life sucks - except for the Internet - that is a bit cool, and I know you would have had a great time with it - even e-mailed me more often than the once-a-decade letter you sent during the last thirty years of your life.

Deconstructed post this post that life that we live

a planet full of broken memories

everyone so full of post-shit - not taking the Aquarian experience in its stride

But I do

talking to myself

another senile old man waiting for the train in the rain talking to his brother.

see ya soon bro.

            May 24, 2000 Adelaide South Australia


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